“Should I move to Denmark?”

“Should I move to Denmark?” is in the top five of search terms bringing those souls lost enough to have to ask a computer if they should move to Denmark to this dormant blog.

My advice is …sure…go ahead. Come and have a go if you think you are hard enough.

Then perhaps,  when the bubble has burst,  and you are feeling a strange dying feeling inside,  you could begin to write your own blog about life in Denmark,  as I and so many before you did.

In my day,  sentient people blogging about the realities of life in Denmark were few and far between…there was me and probably about 6-7 others at most.  Articles about the negative aspects of life in Denmark (a place touted to be some kind of mythological paradise by Danes themselves) in the media or out and about on the Internet were almost non existent. It was as if people were afraid to say…HOLD ON A FUCKING MINUTE…WHAT IS THIS SHIT????

Fear no more.

A little hour searching google with my own foreigner interested in a life in Danmark search terms…”what is a Dane?” “Why is Dannish so cold?” “What Danshsish look like?” “Should I move to Dennmark?” turned up a whole treasure of articles and bloggers and recent thingies about Denmark.

It brought a tear to my eye,  to think we paved the way.  We were mocked…oh yes we were mocked at the time…but see, we were right,  it’s a weird place, if you know the shortcomings before you move here with the fantasy it’s a Hans Christian Fairy Tale you won’t end up as one of the casualties of The Denish Way.  You won’t end up stranded in Denmark unable to leave because you fell in love with a Dane and had kids there…realised you’d married an arrogant boring boorish robot…and then wanted to take the kids back to your home country.

For example.

And there are plenty of expats and foreigners stuck in Denmark after their marriages to Danes failed …but they have no way out cos they have to stay due to court orders preventing them from taking their kids ‘home’.

Here’s links to some other revealing writings recently found…

“STUFF DANISH PEOPLE LIKE”

“WHY I COULD NEVER MOVE BACK TO DENMARK.”

HAPPIEST NATION MY ARSE”. (Okay not that recent but I’ve only just found it).

 

 

SURPRISE!

Well,  that was a surprise.

Came back here to check the cleaner had properly washed down the surfaces and discovered shit load of comments waiting in moderation.

Gave me quite a laugh though,  as a good 40% were scathing, angry, crazed and bonkers. They go straight in the bin my lovelies.  All this was written primarily for expats not Dandroids,  so we’ve heard enough of your ‘if you don’t like it then leave’….etc.

*sigh*

Funny how the country that was once making a big noise about Free Speech seems to shelter so many who um….think a person should STFU.

jesus,  ain’t like I was killin kids or anything.  Wuz just a likkul bwoggy. Xxxxxxxx

 

 

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Only two types of foreigner in Denmark. The good or the bad.

“I am a Dane who has moved to the UK, could easily write a blog like yours”

“Hi,

I am a Dane who has moved to the UK and I could easily write a blog like yours. Here are my list about how the English are weird, like the Danes but different, and how I prefer Denmark or some other place.

– CARPET. Those English are fucking mad for carpet. They do not have nice clean laminate or wood floor as we Dane have. Everywhere is carpet! They even have carpet in their bathrooms. Even on their toilet lid in some cases! Totally crazy. If they do not have carpet i their bathrooms they have a littel small semi circle of carpet just around the toilet, to soak up the piss ha ha. I am not understanding why the Engkish like their carpet so much. So often come into houses and they stink of dog smoked carpet.
– SHOES. Unliker in Denmark where everybody takes off their shoes when entering a home, in England people leave on their shoes and are unhappy if asked to take off their shoes. This means that whatever is on the street is coming into the English house, and let us remember they have absorbant carpet everywhere so it follows that their carpets are full of shit. I do not understnad it. We have asked our English friends on coming to a dinner party with us to remove their shoes and some of them were really wery upset. Evengoing so far as to begin an argument with us, even saying “Hey, no worries, these shoes are clean!” We gently persuaded them to take their shoes off and showed them to a special basket of all sizes of slipper they could put on we have specially made for such occasions. One of our guests said “are you just trying to make us look like knobs in slippers?” We find it a funny to see that the English often keep their coats on inside the house too if visiting.
– HEATING. What is it with the English and heating? In Denmark we have blankets to cuddle up under if we are cold in our sofas. In England the heating is on full blast all the time and they have no insulation.
– BATHROOMS. In Denmark we mainly use showers because we are very aware of the envirnoment, plus it is cleaner and can mean we can take a shower in the morning before work and then again when we come home after the gym, wellness or sex with our colleagues. In England they like to soak in their bath of water once a week..not good for the environment and not clean. Also we are very confused because in Denmark the drain is in the bathroom floor, in the Uk the drains are outside, so how is it possible to have a shower in the middle of the bathroom floor with the carpet soaking it up but also even if tiled no drain for it all to go down?
– CHILD NEGLECT: we are constantly shocked at the way children are neglected in England. Friends of ours here are very judgemental about our Danish way of letting our babies sleep outside under lots of warm blankets in the winter, even telling us we risk their deaths by overheating them and their faces being chewed off by foxes or stolen by paedophiles, but they let their kids run around in thin synthetic jackets and do not put their children in proper clothing for the weather. Children in the UK do not wear full snowsuits even in the snow.
– SNOW: In England, certainly the south of England, the smallest dusting of snow precipitates school and business closing and the country grinds to a halt. It is a joke. In Denmark we have proper snow and if you do not come into work on a snowy day your pay gets docked. If your kid does not come into school ‘because’ of snow in Denmark your children get taken from you by social services and fostered by a proper Danish family.
= DRINKING. The Brits do not drink responsibly as we do in Denmark. Instead of drinking steadily and increasingly from the age of 13, they prefer to binge drink at weekends.
– CRISPS: we call them chips. Thinky sliced and deep fried potatoe chips served in bags. The English are obsessed with chips and have to eat at least three packets a day.
– RYEBREAD: the english do not eat rye bread.

Med Venlig Hilsen,

Dane In London”

Bystander Apathy/Diffusions of Responsibility AKA Why are Danish so Unhelpful?

Dear Babs,

I don’t understand it. There have been several occasions in Denmark, from my travels between the northerly parts, to the bits that mesh with Germany, and from Esbjerg and to Copenhagen, when I have experienced the legendary Danish brutishness and coldness. But in my daily life I regularly meet what I can only and kindly call Bystander apathy, or a diffusion of responsiblity.

On a day to day basis I board trains and buses with my three month old baby in a pram. It is so utterly rare that anybody ever offers me help getting in and out of public transport, and more normally pushes me aside or walks ahead of me when boarding, or neglects to offer me a seat if the vehicles are packed, that I take it as given that travelling on public transport in Denmark with a small child is not going to be a picnic.

Except that occasionally I am helped. And always ONLY by what the Dannish call ‘immigrants’. Why is it that immigrants seem to care more about a woman struggling to get a pram on a train or bus than a Dannish?

I am beginning to hate Denmark so much. I sincerely regret listening to my Dannish husband who convinced me to leave my country of origin and move here to give birth.

Best wishes,

M****”

Dear M,

The answer is simple my dear. Immigrants have family values and have spent more in depth close times with their families. Dannish are reared to be unconcerned with family as they are institutionalised at an early age and learn more about their institutional life than life in an organic family. Many people from out of Denmark have noticed how unhelpful Danes are on public transport. Apparently it is similar in France, but the difference is you get great food there.

xxxx

Only in Denmark…

Pigs shot clumsily and operated on live….

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2234625/Were-going-damage-lot-pigs-livers-Horrific-boast-battlefield-doctors-shoot-operate-injured-animals-Nato-base-NHS-surgeons-practice/html

Why Denmark is the best country in the world.

“Hi,  I found your blog searching for information about Denmark,  I am a 22 year old student who is just crazy about Denmark.  I have always been crazy about Denmark.  When I was a little girl my babysitter for a time was a Danish exchange student called Sxxxx,  she was such a sweet girl and would tell me lots of things about how great Denmark is.  We kept in touch for many years,  and my family even visited her family for a brief holiday,  so we got to see Denmark.  I guess it wasn’t the best time to visit, the weather was really bad that week and because it was winter it was very dark and gloomy,  but Sxxxx and her family very proudly showed us around in that time and I learned even more about Denmark.  Sxxxx often sent us little care packages from Denmark, with sweets and slippers and stuff…LAKRIDS!! Oh my god,  I love LAKRIDS.  I guess you could say I am Danish at heart.  

I watch The Killing and Borgen and now I have my own apartment I have tried to recreate the stylish Danish decor I saw on our visit to Denmark.  So I guess you can say I am a bit of a nut!  Anyway,  I recently got talking to a Danish guy on facebook,  funnily enough a distant relation of Silke’s,  who friended me through my friending her.  We started by having mildly flirtatious exchanges and this has rapidly snowballed.  He is so hot! I think I am in love.  We have arranged to meet when he comes to London just before Christmas. When we made this arrangement we were still sort of just friends,  online buddies with a slight flirty edge,  but in the short time since we made this arrangement the exchanges have got deeper and more meaningful.  When I look into his big blue eyes on Skype (we talk long into the night) and he tells me about Denmark and how it is a wonderful place to bring up children and how happy and outgoing everybody is,  I can’t shake the feeling that this is the man I am going to bear children with,  and that my destiny is Denmark. The only doubts I have are from the negative things I read on the internet about Denmark, I keep stumbling on comments or blogs that are written by people who seem to have had a really hard time in Denmark as foreginers,  but I think to myself,  true love conquers all, and those people, to dislike Denmark so much, must have other problems, possibly mental,  and that they just vent their fury on Denmark? I write to you to ask if you, knowing what you do, having spent many decades in Denmark, with Danish family and roots but an outside experience too,  even knowing what you do about the negative sides of Denmark,  if you could tell me,  all things considered …some good things about Denmark and why it has the reputation among many as being the best and happiest country in the world to live in.  My fate hangs on it!  No pressure.  Yours sincerely,  Xxxxxxx”

Woah!  Love happens fast doesn’t it. Ignore all the negative things I have said.  Here are some reasons why Denmark is the best country in the world to fall in love and live in:

  • number one for bestiality
  • number one for sperm export
  • number one for mink farming
  • number one for pig farming
  • best hospitals in the world
  • lowest suicide rate
  • IVF is free
  • college is free
  • pig liver pate is cheap
  • alcoholism is free
  • LAKRIDS
  • women are equal
  • everybody lives forever
  • no cancer
  • sex is free
  • streets are paved with gold

With so many reasons to move to Denmark my love,  I just can’t understand why you don’t propose to Mikkel when you meet him in December.  Go. Go and build your life in Denmark,  the place of dreams and equality and legal animal bordellos!

But please do keep a blog,  I have a feeling your story is going to be educational to all other women who fall in love and decide to relocate because Denmark is the best country in the world.

SUCKERRRS.